Romance Is Not Dead
A mushy piece because it’s my Birthday
One of the definitions of Romance in the Cambridge Dictionary is “the feeling of excitement or mystery that you have from a particular experience or event.”
This week I heard for the first time about the Japanese philosophy of Kintsugi.
Kintsugi "golden joinery", also known as Kintsukuroi, "golden repair" is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. Kintsugi therefore treats breakage as part of the history of an object, focusing on its hidden beauty. Rather than something to disguise, a broken piece is more beautiful because it has been broken
And just like that this theme on romance which I’ve wanted to write about for months but couldn’t find an angle, breathed a story line. Indeed it has been a while finding the inspiration to write.
I am posting this blog on January 14, the day I was born. It has taken many years for me to raise any semblance of excitement about my birthday. The reason is one many Kenyans (and maybe even other Africans) can relate to. January, surprise surprise, comes after December. December a month of celebration, often reckless, ok let me temper that and call it generous spending, and a generally free fall feel good season. Then after the fireworks and celebration of getting through one year and living to see another comes to pass, January hits, lands, arrives. Real life encumbrances sink in. For example when I was growing up something called “back to school” was the nemesis of the Christmas celebration. Back to school involved purchase of new shoes and uniforms because the preceding Christmas season also included a major growth spurt. If this unwelcome spending wasn’t enough, it also came with unavoidable obligations called THE school fees. Shoo!
So for some people born bing bang in the middle of this January, Birthday was the equivalent of a dirty word, an unmentionable occurrence, best dealt with a consoling pat on an appropriate part of the body. I in particular just pretended it didn’t really happen and learnt to celebrate with those whose births coincided with more auspicious months!
I must admit that in the last few years, the many years of birthday celebration deprivation have been compensated. I am not generally that wowed by gifts purchased off the shelf. Too easy. I am completely blown away by those that involve thoughtfulness, and come from the heart. I love messages, as there is so much to read in what one means from the language used. Or being surprised with a gift that didn’t cost much but which carried a symbolism to our relationship or friendship or connection. And did I say I’m always game to be surprised? Therein lies the romance, the things that evoke the feeling of excitement and mystery.
I am and have always been an unapologetic romantic. Hard to believe being a sensible, level headed Capricorn. But what you are doesn’t go away because you don’t openly espouse it - you may have just learnt to be what the circumstances demand and wait for the moment when it is safe to come out, even for a moment (smile). Romance is not dead, it just hibernates in me.
For many reading this who did not read the introduction to this blog, I will repeat. This is me ramblings, sharing jumbled thoughts and insights which with some luck connect and make some sense to someone. Cathartic.
So let me finally connect Kintsugi, Romance and January 14th. Here goes.
When many speak of romance, the assumption is of candlelight dinners, roses (red ones) delivered by the dozens, getaways by the sea, sweet whispering of nothings, holding hands and staring into eyes endlessly, seeking to see the soul hidden deep within. I could also speak to the more African traditional aspects. When yours is the only stew a person of interest will eat or being called up front in public forums to be introduced as the one (eye roll here). I forgot to mention - all these acts evoke some untold excitement.
OK, that’s one aspect.
The other aspects I started to allude to. Things will never ever be as perfect as painted in my aforementioned examples.
As in Kintsugi, beauty can come from something broken. When we count any blessing brought about by relationships and life experiences which may appear broken or imperfect, it is the equivalent of mending the breakage of that ceramic piece with the gold or silver or platinum lacquer in the art of Kintsugi. With it the mystery of something you did not envision comes to be. A new romance is born, hidden beauty is revealed. You have proved that the romance that is your life does not die but it evolves, it adapts and it grows. Life can then become more beautiful despite any breakage.
So this January 14, I celebrate the Kintsugi that is my life. To quote a great expression I heard this week by Freddie Almazan, (https://freddiealmazan.com/) an amazing youth motivational speaker “We are all works in progress and each scattered piece of our lives is precious and worth celebrating and embracing”
I celebrate this birthday with all who read this. Because I believe, Romance is not Dead.
