My First Story: Love is a Feeling
People forget what you say, they can forget what you do, but they will never forget how you make them feel
This week started with St Valentine’s Day. This a day with a clouded history as it involves martyrs and beheadings, if you go loosely by the history described in Wikipedia. When you Google (another renowned global encyclopedia) St Valentine’s day, there is the connection to the Roman festival of Lupercalia which “…welcomes spring, includes fertility rites and the pairing of men and women by lottery” ! Hmnnn. Food for thought. I bet that’s a business idea right there to rival Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, You Got the Fish and and…. ok you get the gist.
But somehow in all that, history had its way, and the gory bits fell out for this day to eventually become only associated with romantic love this happening around the 14th or 15th century. Alas, here we are today fully loaded with a commercialised, consumerised, contemporarised and every other ‘com-rised’ day. Indeed it is now globally the day with the highest sales of flowers and the day where even mediocre hotel rooms and dining venues can command a premium because they allow you to come all dressed in flaming red including the under clothing not visible (or these days visible) to the naked eye!
I never mentioned that I am an incurable romantic, so I will declare that fact now. Incurable in that I always start by believing there is good in everyone, in that every good movie should have a happy ending and that everyone should once in their life share a wonderful meal with someone they really like somewhere in a beautiful setting - my preference being one where tables have crisp white table clothes, nicely laid out cutlery and the right amount of ambient lighting. The romance is even more enhanced if the opposite party indeed voraciously enjoys the food, not necessarily by being a gobbler (eeew) or by being a food on plate re-arranger, just an appreciator of good food. Look, don’t judge me. Just my view. I did issue a disclaimer that there will be musings, ramblings, jumbled thoughts etc etc.
A couple of weeks ago I attended the incredible story telling platform called “Engage” whose theme was “What’s Love Got To Do With It” (follow this link, https://www.linkedin.com/posts/agatha-juma-7a86509_storytelling-love-music-activity-6897463265572528128-HWbS and subscribe to the YouTube Channel!). What a wonderful way to share experiences, lessons and enduring nuggets of wisdom about love. I learnt and heard about the different ways to show, experience and feel love in the beautiful stories told by the 5 speakers.
The most poignant take out for me was this thing about feelings.. and how love is about how you make someone feel.
So what is it about how you make people feel. Let me share a true experience. Many years ago, I received a call from a headhunter based in South Africa. That headhunter was charged with the brief to find someone to be the Founder/ Managing Director of a subsidiary for the multinational L’Oreal for East Africa. He was interviewing at the time a Kenyan lady living in South Africa for another role and happened to ask her during the course of the interview to recommend any name of a person who she thought could be considered for the position. This lady unreservedly gave my name and said that was the only person she could think of. The rest of that story is history. Now how did this lady know me. We worked in the same organization previously. She was never my boss, nor in my team nor even someone I worked with directly on a regular basis. When I met her to ask why she recommended me, her simple answer was - You always made me feel valued. When she came into a meeting as a not so senior manager, trying to be noticed, make a point and be heard in a group where she was only supposed to bring the papers and be a ‘backup’, I always asked her “What do you think” and would support her logic and her being heard. That was a feeling she never forgot.
When I reflect on the happiest or the most painful moments in life, I have largely forgotten what was said or done but what I remember are the feelings I experienced.
As it has been in the last couple of weeks, when what I thought was an ordinary announcement of an appointment to another person to another role, the tremendous feeling of being appreciated through the incredible number of messages, calls, offers to celebrate that I received. At some point it was so overwhelming I felt I needed a PA to just make sure I responded to all. I pray that I managed to respond to most, but still working on it.
I cannot remember all the words or the time when each congratulatory message was sent. What I will always remember is a feeling. That feeling that I mattered enough for someone to make the effort to write or call. A feeling that there are people who wish you well even if they don’t know you, have never spoken to you or even met you in person. An immeasurable feeling of kindness and in many ways love. Indeed my incurable belief in romance is validated.
So my first story is the lesson that it can actually cost you nothing to make someone feel loved. Forget buying flowers, remember you can send someone to do it on your behalf; or saying ‘I love You’ in a vacuum, because unfortunately that can also be an automatic response you give because it is expected of you.
It will always be the warm feelings you evoke through something that cost you nothing that will always matter the most. So when they say the best things in life are free, it’s true.
